Just This Birthday

After I turned 21, it was a standing joke between Dave and I to remark on how old each was getting on their birthday. I even conspired with a friend of mine on Dave’s 40th birthday to ‘deliver’ a walker to him at the restaurant where he was eating breakfast – that was a lot of fun!

We sent each other cards that remarked on the Fire Department being on alert for when the birthday candles were being lit; or how it was okay to ask for help at my age to get the card open… stuff like that!

But part of that ritual always included my reminding Dave that he would always be older than me.

Well, I can’t say that any more. And I don’t know exactly what to do with that concept. No kidding – I know people get tired of me saying I never thought he’d leave first, but there it is – right there staring me in the face all over again.

Grief coaxes panic and disbelief to rear up their heads at the darnedest times. Sleep is hard to come by right now. Who would have thought after 7 years? I should’ve had a card from him this year. He should be here to tease me. *sigh*